"My parent’s think I am going to take all of their money. They refuse to share any of their information with me.” Some parents and loved ones will be stubborn about this process. So how do you break through the walls of stubbornness -with Persistence, Education and Teamwork.
Bring up these topics of conversation – early and often. Present them with information about the importance of advance long-term planning using the resources we provide on our website. Work together with other family members or employ the help of Eldercare professions to help mediate. Also, bring in third party reinforcements. Visit their local banking institution, financial adviser and healthcare provider along with your parent to get their feedback. Sometimes hearing it from a third party with whom they already have a relationship will help validate your points.
We are sorry for anyone who has to go to this extent to only do what is best for their loved one. Know that you are not alone. We had a loved one who was this way, too. He needed our help but our ability to do so was limited. He lived several states away. In addition, he refused to put a POA in place. He wanted to remain in his home but did not want just anyone taking care of him. He needed someone to help with meals but did not want prepacked food or meals- on- wheels. We offered the best help we could but it wasn’t the type of help he wanted from us.
I think the mistake we made was we assumed a lot. He assumed that my sister and I would care for him in his elder years because we were family. My sister and I assumed that he would go to an Assisted Living center just like every other senior did. We never talked about the plan for when he would need more care. Sometimes cultural expectations is the root of stubbornness. Many of our parents come from a generation or a culture where it was normal for the parents to move in with their son or daughter. They assume “my kids will take care of me because I took care of them.” This is very much an old school perception of long-term care; but what these traditional parents fail to realize that this is no longer the norm.
The longer you delay addressing long-term care planning with your parents or loved one, only makes this process more difficult in the future. By being proactive, you lay the ground work for your future role as their Care Manager. The effort you put into the planning process now will help make caring for them in the future that much easier. Remember - Persistence, Education and Teamwork along with our website to help you get the message through to them. Visit our website to find help at anytime along the way with your Aging Parent or Loved One.