We all love our family. We love celebrating the holidays and birthdays together. We love when they visit and when they leave, but now they are not leaving. Now a family member is living in your home. We all love our parents, our in-laws and our siblings; but the family dynamic changes when they move in with you or your with them.
"It took time for the relationship with my sister to heal. She would tell you that I was not there enough for her. I felt I did the best I could. Get prepared for how being a caregiver will change the family dynamic."
We went through all of this. Our goal in this section is to bring to raise awareness of family related challenges. This is not anything new. You may not hear about it because no one who is going through it ever talks about it. They are not going to air their dirty laundry about this on Social Media, but the issues and frustrations are going to exist. This article by PBS tastefully explores the issues that most families will be facing A SIBLING'S GUIDE TO CARING FOR AGING PARENTS.
THE NEW NORMAL
Every family is different; however, in order to figure out what works best for yours requires a conversation. Talk to your parents, as a family to come up with a plan that makes everyone comfortable. "Fitting In" will take time. Here are some tips to make this transition go a little smoother.
Try to find ways for the parent to help around the house; if they are able to do so. It will help them feel like part of the household. This may be as simple as having them make meals, clearing the table after mealtime, loading the dishwasher, folding laundry, watering or tending to the garden, light house keeping, fix broken items around the house, walking kids to the bus stop, etc.
· Let your parent contribute to the household financially. There is nothing wrong with them paying for things such as: groceries, utilities or TV service. If the decision is for them to pay "rent", consult with an Estate Planning attorney about how to set this up properly.
Remember fighting with your siblings when you were kids? Well, expect more of it! There are going to be many difficult discussions with them while on this journey and in this role of caring for your parents:
Where are Mom and Day going to live?
Can you cover for me while I go out of town or on vacation with my family?
Can you take Mom/Dad to her afternoon appointment? No, I can’t take off time from work!
Can you come sit with Mom/Dad while I go on a walk?
Mom/Dad need help with covering some of their bills?
I'd like to get paid for the care I am providing? I may have to quit my job to care for Mom/Dad full-time.
If I sell my home and move in with them, shouldn't I get their house or their estate?
Mom and Dad certainly cannot move in with me.
No, I don’t have room in my house. Someone else is going to have to do it!
I can’t help you right now, I something already planned!
Why are you asking me for money, Mom lives with you. I can’t afford to give them any money!
Why should you get Mom’s house, it belongs to all of us!
The new family dynamic is just one of the side effects of this role of the Caregiver. When you become a member of our website or purchase one of our support packages, we will help guide you through many of these difficult topics. You will become part of a community, have access to our forums, podcasts, tools, support and more.
This may not sound like the relationship you have with your siblings today, but that will change. The new family dynamic is just one of the side effects of this role of the Caregiver. My sister and I went through this. The issues are real and we went through this alone; but you don't have to. AgingParentsMarketplace.com is here to make your life as a Caregiver better than the one we had. It is our mission to make finding solutions, services and information easier and convenient by delivering them to you in one centralized location!