Life as a Caregiver is like a car race. The alarm is the green flag. Hopefully you were able to get some sleep before it goes off at 5 AM. Caregivers have to be like a machine in order to get through the day.
Start your engines! Vroom, vroom, You have to get your kids ready for school, get food shopping done, laundry, dishes, pay the bills, make medical appointments for your family, shower and get ready yourself (well maybe skip showering), make the beds, feed the dogs, make meals AND then help Dad with all his personal needs, make his breakfast, get him out of bed, lunches, medications, medical appointments etc. The Pit Stop. But wait, I have a husband too. Sorry honey, not tonight! Checkered flag, out of fuel, flat tire, body damage- lights out. Oh God, there's the Green flag again.
Who has time to think about being intimate? After doing this for so long, the days, the weeks, then the years, you loose your sense of emotional connections to your spouse. They become just another person on your Pit Crew. Marriage becomes slide lined and not something there is any passion for anymore. Getting a divorce is not what this is about, but for your spouse it might have crossed their mind. Unfortunately what is happening is your relationship gets put on a shelf until this role of the Care Giver for Dad changes.
Eventually, you'll find yourselves in two different places. They will want to rekindle that relationship with the person you were in the past - go out to dinner, to a movie, out with friends on the town, but that person does not exist anymore. You are in your own world and you are always on duty. After years of being in this role, it takes a toll on everything.
The Care Giver has a race to finish, that never seems to get to the checkered flag, it has checklists that don't ever seem to get done, their purpose is the responsibility of another person and their engines just keep running. During all of this, they will never let on that inside they are breaking down. They will never say it and their spouse/life partner may never sees it, but wears away at them just like "rust" on a car. Eventually the caution flags does come out when they hit the wall. They do want someone to check their fuel levels to make sure that everything is in good shape. But most of the time this doesn't happen, instead they just tape up that broken fender, put on a happy face to cover up the dents in the bumper for the spectators in the grand stands and head back out onto the track.
Is your spouse or life partner ready for your Mom to move in with you? Are they ready to be a Co-Care giver with you? It's not something that comes up as we become "coupled" in life and make our future plans together - children, a new home, retirement etc.
My sister and I have been through most of it. We felt so lost and alone in this process as our Dad's caregivers. My sister and I kept asking why is this so difficult. We new we needed help but we had no idea were to look or the time to look for it. This was the inspiration for AgingParentsMarketplace.com. It was the belief that our experiences and the experiences of others could help individuals just like us - adult children, millennials, nieces, nephews, in-laws who are the Caregivers for an aging loved one.
Our website, www.AgingParentsMarketplace.com is here to help! You are not alone! You will be able to connect with others just like you, find solutions to your unique challenges, ask experts, have access to our podcasts, all "Life Stages Plans" and so much more. Choose one of our Action Plans for the help you need NOW: Getting Prepared, Formula For Success and Coming Home or decide to become a member of our website so that you will never be alone.
This Caregiver website is different. Unlike other caregiver websites created by advertising agencies, investors and freelance writers, ours is real. My sister and I are real and it is our mission to making finding solutions and services easier by putting them in a centralized location to help make your life as a Caregiver better than the one we had. Come see for yourself. Welcome to AgingParentsMarketplace.com